Scooter

I want a Scooter from The Scooter Store.

Or one of those places.

I don't need a scooter, though someday I might. I just want one.

Did ya ever see the commercial where they say, "If we pre-qualify you for a scooter - I guess with any agency that will pay for it - and you don't get a scooter, we'll give you a scooter."

So, what are they saying is, what have we got to lose? Pre-Qualify means simply that you're qualified, so they're already assured of being paid. If you don't pre-qualify, then YOU have to finance it some other way and they're out nothing. Oh, they'll help with financing, probably at 18% interest or so.

It sounds good when they say it but they're simply saying, anyway you look at it, we're not going to lose one cent on this deal, now, aren't we nice?

I might pay for one because they are cool. There is one that looks like it might be top-heavy, thereby prone to tipping over. I don't want that one unless it's used strictly in the house but I want to be able to use it everywhere and it has to have at least two red flags waving from those long, springy whip antenna-like poles. I want to drive mine to the mall especially around Christmas and bump into people in the stores who, even though they get annoyed inside, try not to show it on the outside because, after all, I'm in a scooter.

At home, well I'm worried about banging into things like my walls and cabinets, chipping or denting the heck out of everything, not to mention neck whiplash and end up wearing a neck collar. Did you ever notice an inordinate amount of people driving those things are wearing neck collars?

 I'm not worried about chasing my granddaughters around because they're still young enough to love it. The baby will love being allowed to ride with me - even better - to steer my scooter all over the house - banging into things, like the chair their mother is sitting in, over and over and over.  That, since they would know I didn't really need one, might not be so funny, but hey, I am their father.

My kids would have no hand in getting my scooter because, did you ever see the Seinfeld episode where Kramer and George had to buy a scooter for a girl and they got a used one whose brakes failed and sent her careening out of control down a hill?

That's why.

The whole idea here is to be sarcastic about how much (remember, I hate commercials) those scooter companies try to come off as altruistic, wanting to join their chair with anyone who needs one, as long as they're "pre-qualified", now, aren't they wonderful?

I guess the upstairs would be off-limits unless I installed one of those stair elevators and I would but only if I were pre-qualified.

 

Disclaimer: No one who needs a scooter, must have one, need be offended. Before there was such things, what was there? I'm super-glad that they have them and that tax-payers are often able help them get one. This has not, nor is not, about you. 

Test, again

Test

Goodbye Crocodile Hunter

You were one crazy, entertaining guy.

Steve Irwin's heart was pierced by a sting ray while scuba diving and filming. The crocs never got him. 

Sun's out

I was/am really unhappy when the Internet grocery delivery service didn't take off. Talk about hermit heaven. At least it would have been but it never showed up around this thriving metropolis.

I was going to go out and pick up a keyboard in case I needed one, every once in a while I get this "\" symbol when I shouldn't but hey, that too, is why they have the Internet, so one has been ordered. Meanwhile, there's an old Dell 233Mhz set up in my closet and the keyboards were switched out for the fun of it until a new one comes.

So there went my expedition into humanity. A mutual loss or gain.

Ernesto, the Tropical Depression, has gone to Canada and finally, the sun is thinking about reappearing and if it does, I will grab my book and test the outdoor furniture for dryness. I know, I know, cover it. Yeah, okay. It dries really fast. Why?  For the dust? It gets in there anyway, plus I've sat in dust since I was about one year old and look at me. I mean, if you could. What a fine specimen!

I'm still alive, anyway. That's a debatable something. What I object to is other creatures, mostly insects thinking my outdoor seating is their home. Can't they stay in the forest?

Read it or not

From Michele Malkin, I just had to share:

Ready for your blood-boiler of the morning? Via the Chicago Tribune:

Marchers had to duck into fast-food restaurants for water when they first took to Chicago's streets in support of illegal immigrants five months ago. At the next two marches, family-owned grocery stores offered free bottled water from trucks emblazoned with their names.

This time, as demonstrators march from Chinatown to House Speaker Dennis Hastert's (R-Ill.) Batavia office this weekend, they will have Miller Brewing Co., as a sponsor. The brewer has paid more than $30,000 for a planning convention, materials and newspaper ads publicizing the event.

The support of a major corporation for a controversial political cause shows how fierce the competition has become to woo the growing market of Latino consumers.

For Miller, the march offered a special chance to catch up. This spring the brewer drew the ire of pro-immigrant forces over contributions to U.S. Rep. James Sensenbrenner (R-Wis.), who sponsored legislation that would crack down on illegal immigrants. That prompted a short-lived boycott by some Latino groups.

Now, march advertisements feature not just the organizing committee's trademark blue globe but Miller's logo and a Spanish translation of its "Live Responsibly" slogan, a company effort to build goodwill among Latinos.

Live responsibly? By supporting law-breaking?

Miller is not only helping illegal alien activists thumb their noses at the law, it's also thumbing its corporate nose at you:

...Romero said he wasn't worried that some opponents of illegal immigration would be upset at the company's support of "the free movement of people, labor, goods and services."

"As long as you are stacking facts against facts, they are free to make their own decisions. We will stand by our positions," he said.

Live responsibly: Don't drink Miller this Labor Day weekend. Or any weekend.

***

Contact Miller Brewing here.

More of open borders Miller's beer brands:

Miller Lite
Miller Genuine Draft
Miller Genuine Draft Light
Miller High Life
Miller High Life Light
Sharp's non-alcohol brew
Red Dog
Icehouse 5.0
Icehouse 5.5
Icehouse Light
Southpaw Light
Leinenkugel's Original
Leinenkugel's Light
Leinenkugel's Red Lager
Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss
Leinenkugel's Apple Spice (seasonal)
Leinenkugel's Berry Weiss
Leinenkugel's Oktoberfest (seasonal)
Leinenkugel's Creamy Dark
Leinenkugel's Big Butt Doppelbock (seasonal)
Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat
Henry Weinhard's Private Reserve
Henry Weinhard's Blue Boar Pale Ale
Henry Weinhard's Classic Dark
Henry Weinhard's Northwest Trail Blonde Lager
Henry Weinhard's Hefeweizen
Henry Weinhard's Summer Wheat

Hamm's
Hamm's Draft
Hamm's Special LightMichelle Malkin
Olde English 800 Malt Liquor
Olde English HG800
Olde English HG800 7.5
Magnum Malt Liquor
Mickey's Malt Liquor
Mickey's Ice
Milwaukee's Best
Milwaukee's Best Light
Milwaukee's Best Ice
Foster's Lager
Foster's Special Bitter
Peroni Nastro Azzurro
Pilsner Urquell
Sheaf Stout
Sparks
Sparks Light
Sparks Plus 7%
Sparks Plus 6%
Steel Reserve Triple Export 8.1%
Steel Reserve High Gravity
Steel Reserve High Gravity 6.0
Steel Six

Link to Michelle Malkin